My Husband Married Me Out Of Pity But Refuses To Divorce Me 2

…Previous Part

By second year HND, I could not pay my school fees. I begged and begged my husband to help me but he refused, saying I just drop off and concentrate on having children. I cried and cried until a colleague of mine noticed I was no longer myself.  John, is a young sales executive. He encouraged me not to give up, then he introduced me to a corporative bank that gave me a loan.

John really encouraged me and even gave me part of his salary to pay back the loan. I liked John alot. He never asked me for anything s3xual. He was a good guy. Every time, I tell him I do not know how to repay him. Then I noticed a girl was getting close to John at work. And John being a nice guy too, didn’t mind but I became Jealous.

I know I am a married woman but John is ,y friend and I told him that I don’t like the way the girl is getting close to him, cos she is flirting with him too much. John asked me if I was jealous and I said no. He laughed and said if I was jealous, then he would cut off the girl. So I told him yes. John said ok and started staying away from the girl.

John later asked me if I was happy being married, I told him no but I cannot leave the marriage cos my husband has helped me so much for my OND. John told me that he is falling in love with me but he would not force me to do anything cos I am married but he does not see why I should remain married to someone who does not appreciate me because I have not given birth.

Since that discussion, I can see clearly that John has feelings for me. He treats me very kind and people are beginning to tease him calling him, saying he is in love with me but I have put him in friendzone. That made him upset and stopped talking to me. Some rumors even got to him that I slept with the manager to get a scholarship. I started begging John and he accused me of playing with his feelings.

John still sends me money everyday but he does not talk to me at work, he blocked my nos so I cannot chat with him anymore. I was loosing my mind, I had to go to his place last Saturday. John was surprised to see me in his place but he was very happy. We hugged and I kissed him. John was like, please do not play with me…if I continue, I will not stop. I told him not to stop.

John and I made out and I was ready for him to go all the way but he refused. He stopped and said he will not sleep with a married woman. John has given me an ultimatum, that if I do not leave my husband, that he will not be with me anymore. I am troubled. How do I leave my husband…I feel indebted to him. Even though we don’t love each other but he helped me when no one else did.

And I know John loves me. I have not stopped thinking of his kisses and that day we were in each others arms. But what if he changes later if I cannot give birth? Its been almost  six years of marriage, no pregnancy. Sometimes, I think I am the cause of my inability to conceive. I was so bitter when I got pregnant as a teenager, I cursed myself and my  womb. I did it to punish myself for failing myself. I did it in ignorance because I was serious pain. Since then, I have asked God for forgiveness but its like my womb is shut.

John says he knows I will give birth if we marry but what if I do not eventually? I am scared. I don’t know what to do. My husband said he will never divorce me, that I owe him my life for saving me when I had nothing. Yes, he saved me and then hated me for having no children.

How do I end this marriage without seeming ungrateful? And how do I know my future with John will be a happy one? John is good today but so was my husband good to me before…every man who ever wanted to help me always betrayed me in the end. I have made too many mistakes in my life…I do not want to make another…but I cannot stop thinking of John and praying I do not loose him forever….I need advice.

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